Blue.

Since writing that last post, I can't get this one memory out of my head.  Might as well share it with you...

I returned from the bar one night.  I was wearing a temporary prosthetic at the time.  When I got to bed I took my leg off and looked at it.  While I was walking that night I noticed a little more discomfort than usual.  When I looked down, I saw a little blue wire about a centimeter, poking out of my skin at the tip of my stump.  I touch it and it sends a zinger up my leg.  I didn't think too much of it because ever since rehab, the nurses had been pulling little parts of sutures from my leg.  I just told myself I would see to it tomorrow.

The next day I got a friend to drive me to UCSD Emergency Room in Hillcrest.  She couldn't stay but I had a good book and sat there for eight hours waiting to be seen trying not to think about that little blue wire.  Finally, a nurse brought me into the back.  She closes the door and asks me what's going on.  I take my leg off and show her that little blue wire.  She takes one look at it and says, "uh... hold on."  She leaves the room and I don't think much of it.  When she returns, it's with another nurse... She looks at it, looks at me, and asks, "has this happened before?"  I told her sorta.  Before my stump completely healed there were some sutures there.  She looked at the other nurse and said, "we have to get a doctor."

Ok.

At this time I started to get worried.  Two nurses and now a doctor looking at me with this worried expression.  When the doctor came in he took a look at it and started tugging on it.  It came out a few more painful centimeters but stopped there.  He looked at me, "Danielle, this is not supposed to be there."... (no shit, I thought but not in a mean way.)... "They should have taken this out while you were still at the hospital.  The problem here is that it is most likely tied in a knot on the end inside your leg."

Great.


I asked him what now?  He told me they were going to have to cut my leg open and cut the knot.  I told him there is absolutely no way in hell he was going to cut me.  If he cut me I wouldn't be able to wear my prosthetic.  It felt like an eternity to get that leg and start walking again and now that was going to be taken away again?  No fucking way.  He asked me what I wanted to do then.

Pull it out.

He warned me that it could cause damage and a lot of pain but I didn't give a shit at this point.  I just wanted it out of me and I wanted to walk out of that office.  They went and got me a pain killer.  Percocet.  I thought, this is really going to help me when I've been on dilauden and oxycontin for the last few months but whatever.  I didn't care anymore.

The two nurses came in.  Both on either side of me. The doctor sat down, "are you ready?"  He starts pulling.  The pain shot through me like an electric current.  From everything I'd been through, my pain tolerance was pretty high but this... this was different.  I squeezed the nurses' hands as hard as I could and they held me down.  I yelled in pain but told him to keep going.  I opened my eyes for a brief second to see him pulling this wire, now 5 inches long out of my leg that made my skin fold up like an accordian at the end of my stump.  The tears came.  The anger was with it.  Everyone yelled, "it's almost out!  hold on!"  And then it was done.  Everyone was quiet.  Seven inches of blue wire was now out of me.  I told them I needed a second and I wanted to keep that suture.  When they left I tried so hard to swallow those tears and anger.  The physical pain was gone but my head was a complete mess.  I was broken.

I sucked it up enough and got the hell out of there.  Suture in a little cup.  I call the two girls to come pick me up and I rushed out the front doors.  A tall, wide chested man that was working the counter followed me.  I sat down on a bench and absolutely lost my shit.  Cries, anger, and sadness that made me crumble.  He wanted to take me back in and get me more pain medicine.  Not that type of pain, bro but definitely appreciated the company.

The girls pull up and I pull myself together.  I thank the guy and get into the car.  At that moment, I had hit my bottom.  I couldn't fucking deal.  I told the girls that I wanted to know everything.  Every last detail of my accident because I couldn't take the confusion anymore that caused even more pain.

They said yes and I finally got away from that place.

My life as an amputee...

So far I've focused on my athletic accomplishments.  I feel it's a good time to bring up my road to recovery.  I tend not to want to talk about it.  It makes me feel very vulnerable but what helped me the most to get through it was hearing other peoples stories... here we go.

I was in inpatient rehab for a month and some change after my accident.  I had to go through cognitive, physical, and occupational therapy.  The coma I was in for a month and a half did a number on me.  I lost my muscle mass and due to decreased oxygen to the brain, they had to make sure my head was still on straight.  I didn't have enough strength to sit up in bed without assistance or even brush my teeth.  I was also suffering major nerve damage to my left arm so they were trying to figure out if I'd ever get it back.  They told me it wasn't going to return... Showed them ;)

Once I left rehab, it took three months for me to get my first prosthetic.  The wounds on my leg weren't healing properly because they "forgot" to take out my sutures.  Having a seven inch suture pulled from my leg because I found it poking out was definitely not the brightest time of my life.  One of those moments I doubled over in pain... more so the emotional kind.

After my accident it wasn't a quick bounce back, "I'm ready to take on the world" type of thing.  I was completely lost and numb.  A very dark time in my life.  Dying, to me, was the easy part.  A relief from so much pain.  Even though I was lost, I knew one thing, I never believed in easy and luckily for me, the two people I let into my life at that time didn't believe that either.  They gave me that tough love shit.  They believed in me and didn't pity me for a second.  They had my back no matter what.  I will never forget that...

The decision was made, suck it up and put in my all.  It took a good year to fully get myself together.  A lot of going to the gym and I decided to see a therapist.  I knew if I didn't I was going to be fucked for life.  One of the best decisions I've ever made.  I was lucky to find a blunt, intelligent woman who told me like it was and called me on my shit.

Once I got my endurance back, I jumped into sports.  Losing so much put the fire under my ass.  I had something to prove to myself and everyone else.  I'm so glad I did because nothing has been more satisfying or healing than breaking a good sweat and pushing yourself till failure.  Hearing people tell me I couldn't skateboard anymore gave me a goal which became a slippery slope into snowboarding and surfing.

Surfing is definitely my one true love now.  When I'm out there, by myself or with friends, all it takes is that one wave and it feels like I never lost my leg.  Any pain that I feel goes away for those few seconds.  In the beginning it felt like this pain inside would never go away.  I got sick of hearing that it'll get better... but it does.  Better than it ever was.

Been a minute...

Life's been crazy lately... but it's finally settling down.

I graduated San Diego State University with my Bachelors in Kinesiology Pre Physical Therapy and now I have a break before I go back for my Doctorate in Physical Therapy.  My main focus now is to continue volunteering with Navy Medical Center San Diego at their Physical Therapy Critical Care Unit and Wounded Warrior Clinics.  I also see a lot of surfing and snowboarding in my future so I will update on a more regular basis... hopefully.

Currently, my prosthetic foot on my surf leg is holding on by a thread... and some duct tape.  I need to get it fixed but don't want to give it up to my prosthetist yet.  I'm too impatient.

I've gone snowboarding once this season.  Barely any snow though.  I received a new prosthetic to snowboard in, Symbiotechs USA XT-9.  It was the first time I used it and it is bad ass.  Such an improvement from my last one.  The only problem was that I forgot to put lock tight on my screws so my foot fell off every three runs I did.  Can't wait to go again.  Below is also a video from last season at Mammoth Mountain.

Empty Mammoth Mountain Run video link

Surfing is going great and my love for it is ever growing.  I got an HPD 7'0 Scorpion with a DT2 tail.  I love it!  I tried riding a 6'3" egg but my prosthetic foot would always get snagged when trying to pop up.  I have less of an issue with the Scorpion.  Those extra inches make a huge difference.  Once I get more comfortable on that, I'll go down a little more.  Also, below is a picture Chris Grant from Jettygirl Online Surf Magazine took a bit ago.  And no, I didn't pearl.  ;)

Symbiotechs USA, Challenged Athlete Foundation, Chris Grant, and Hawaiian Pro Designs, thank you for the continued support.  And thanks for reading, guys!

First feature in a magazine.

 Tanya Chekhova wrote an article about me that was featured in a Russian sport magazine.  Thank you, Tanya and photographer Kirill Umrikin.  Hopefully, I'll see you both again this year. :)

Winter in San Diego

What an amazing winter!  Mid to high 70s and barely a cloud in the sky.  I've definitely been taking advantage of it.

Three weeks ago I drove up to Mammoth Mountain with Summer.  Once we reached the mountain, 17'+ base and snowing!  It was, without a doubt, the best conditions I've ever been in.  I've never boarded in such deep powder before.  One of my favorite parts of the trip was when we had one side of the mountain all to ourselves because the main lift to that area was closed.  Such an amazing experience!  One I'll never forget.

We returned to beautiful, warm weather in San Diego.  A week of surfing and spending time with friends before going back to school.  Great vacation :)

Danielle Burt Surfing

My friend Oscar Loreto shot a video of me surfing a few weeks ago. He did an awesome job. I love it! To me it's crazy how real the motion of my prosthetic is while I walk out of the water. Trips me out! :)

Enabled Project

A bit ago, Ian Ruhter asked me to be in the Enabled Project.

"Enabled tells the stories of 9 individuals who overcame unimaginable obstacles in their lives by making the decision to never give up; and to keep their dreams alive, even when they were the only ones who believed they were achievable."

The art opening was held last year in LA.  I'm not sure where the project is going but I hope one day soon everyone can see the amazing photos Ian was able to capture of these 9 rippers.  I don't feel I have the right words to describe the project except that I feel very humbled and honored to have been a part of it.

Thanks, Ian!  I hope we cross paths soon. :)

Here are a few shots.  Be sure to check out his site : Ian Ruhter Photography